Reality
by wheretobe
Summary: Waking up after an accident on a Mission Jack seems to have problems remembering. S/J
1. Chapter 1

Title: Reality  
Author: **curse_of_avalon**  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, Sam, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c  
Spoilers: Children of the gods  
Word count: 1312  
Summary: Jack wakes up in the infirmary and can't seem to remember.  
Author's notes: Critique appreciated  
Disclaimer: All characters, names etc. aren't mine but belong to the SciFi channel. Not making money with this, just spreading the cheer.

* * *

The dull ache in his head flared up to a raging headache as he felt his mind climbing the ladder to consciousness and for a moment Jack contemplated to slump back into sweet, blissful darkness. But before he could convince himself he felt a groan fight its way out of his dry throat, starting a strong cough in the middle of the exclamation. A few expletives came to his mind but before he could utter them he felt a hand on his arm.

"Colonel O'Neill?"

With considerable force Jack opened his eyes and then shut them again, the white light in the room bringing tears into them.

"I think he's waking up. Get Major Carter and SG-1 down here stat!"

Blinking a few times he tried again, slower and this time did swear as a penlight was shoved into his face almost immediately.

"What the hell?!"

Squeezing his eyes shut once more his hands reached out to grab whoever started the torture and shove their hands away.

"Colonel calm down or I'll get the orderlies in!"

The voice registered and he scoffed.

"You and that damn penlight Frasier!"

"Stop fussing Colonel and let's get it over with."

With a groan Jack sunk deeper back into the pillow and clamped his mouth shut, knowing that if he kept his fussing up it would take longer or the Doc would make real of her threat and get some burly orderlies in.

"What happened to me? I feel like my head had a meeting with a Jackhammer."

"I'll explain soon. You had us worried for awhile here Sir."

Jack swallowed around the dryness in his mouth, trying to gather up some saliva to wet his parched mouth.

"Can I have some water Janet?"

"Sure Sir."

Soon the petite Doctor leaned in and shoveled some ice chips into his mouth, smiling softly and understanding as he winced.

"It's good to see you awake Sir."

He could hear the relief in her voice.

"How long was I out Doc?"

"Three days Sir. Believe me Sam is a wreck by now. She'll be relieved to see you awake."

A frown wrinkled his forehead but he let the comment go. SG-1 worried about each other. That was nothing new.

"God damnit Janet what happened to me?"

Grabbing his head, Jack winced as another flash of pain made it through his skull, making him wonder if it would split in two in a few seconds.

"Jack!"

His head spun around sharply at the exclamation coming from the infirmary doorway, his brow furrowing as he realized it had been coming from the mouth of none other but his 2IC, Samantha Carter. An odd feeling settled in his stomach as Jack saw her rushing towards him, beaming through her teary eyes, not at all alleviated by his now full fledged frown. No, it didn't even stop her from almost jumping onto him in the bed, hugging him fiercely, making him wince, and letting a sob lose.

"Jeez Carter! I was only out for three days. Not my record if I remember correctly."

At the mention of her surname she broke lose, her arms sliding from around him slowly as if still processing and then her brows knitted in a frown equaling his. Her head tilted to the side, then Sam's eyes flitted to Janet, a hint of panic in the huge baby blues.

"Jack...?"

"Hey we came as fast as possible when we heard your awake!"

Daniels entry was emphasized by the loud bang when the door was thrown open and crashed into the wall, making Jack wince once more.

"It is indeed most enjoyable that you have woken O'neill"

Came T's deep baritone.

"Ok guys keep it down. The Colonel is still suffering from a severe headache, also Dr. Jackson I'd like to note that the doors of my infirmary don't have to be shouldered open, they function just fine. Look I still haven't completed the exam so Teal'c, Daniel please wait outside. When we're done you can come back in. Silently."

The short Dr. huffed and puffed until a slightly struggling Daniel was pushed back out the door by Teal'c and then turned back towards the Colonel, who looked as confused as ever, if not more and Sam whose look for once matched O'Neill's.

"Colonel O'Neill. Can you tell me what your last memory is?"

"Not much actually. Carter, the guys and me were on the mission to P3X whatever. T and I were checking the perimeter, Daniel was checking some ruins and Carter took the usual soil samples when I heard Daniel crying out. Then I only remember breaking into a jog to get to him and that's it."

"Nothing beyond that Sir?"

Janet kept asking, apparently not satisfied with his answer. By now Carter had slumped down in an infirmary chair across from his bed, her elbows on her knees and her face cradled in her hands.

"Yes...why Doc?"

Absently rubbing his temples, Jack tried to massage some of the pressure in his skull away. Then he noticed it, the look going on between Frasier and Carter and something told him that he might be missing a few important facts.

"Sam, why don't you go update General Hammond on Ja...Colonel O'Neills status while I'll get some tests done and find some answers?"

Carter nodded numbly, shoulders dropping a bit more as she shot him a look, hoping for recognition and seeing none. Then she left quietly, a stark contrast to her entry.

"Doc what's going on? And not just with me, Carter seems off too."

A sympathetic look tried to smother him and his gut's turned into ice. Something was definitely wrong if Napoleon Frasier turned her gentle look, usually reserved for Daniel and Carter, on him, instead of breaking out the big needles.

"You rarely call her Carter these times Sir."

The frown was back, knitting Jack's brow in what he was sure would end up being his deepest wrinkle once he got older.

"I guess you can't remember that Colonel?"

Shaking his head he slouched down in the somewhat scratchy cushion of his bed.

"We'll know more after the test's. After the blow you've taken to the head amnesia could be considered a common result."

"Amnesia? Look Doc I am quite sure that I remember everything, up until when I must've received the blow to the head."

"But you don't remember Sam? Or your relations to her?"

"My relations to her are that she is my second in comment Dr. and nothing else!"

Janet jumped back as he half snarled the comment into her direction and then once more laid a calming hand on his forearm hoping to get him to appease him.

"Col...Jack...Sam is not your second in command and hasn't been since the last Abydos Mission back in 1997."

The anger he had felt before, at the question of the CMO, fled his body and left him behind weak. Jack's ears rung, his eyes wild as he looked at Frasier, then to the door and then back to Frasier, unsure if he had heard the petite Doctor correctly. All of a sudden his throat closed tightly and his mouth went dry once more.

"What?"

He croaked out before closing his eyes, the pain in his head returning full force, making it unbearable to keep them open. Soon after that Jack felt the pull of drugs in his system and, like they ordered him, he succumbed to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Reality (2/?)  
Author: **curse_of_avalon** (wheretobe)  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, Sam, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c  
Spoilers: Children of the gods  
Word count: 1957  
Summary: Jack wakes up in the infirmary and can't seem to remember.  
Author's notes: Critique appreciated!

A longish chapter for now. Hope you enjoy and that you can follow the way Sam and Jack feel about things. I'm trying hard to get my jumbled mind into this. Cheer for Christmas stress!

**MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU ALL!**

Disclaimer: All characters, names etc. aren't mine but belong to the SciFi channel. Not making money with this, just spreading the cheer.

* * *

"So Colonel O'Neill is suffering from Amnesia due to the blow he received to his head?"

Hammonds hands lay calm on the table, folded neatly as he listened to the medical findings of the base CMO, trying to understand why his second in command seemed to have lost years of memory about his personal life, whereas he remembered all their missions.

"Not exactly. He suffers from post-traumatic Amnesia but not in any form I have seen before. As you said he recalls everything just not his personal life. He states that Major Carter is his second in command until today. The swelling we made out in his brain after the blow has receded and his memory should return. That's not what I'm worried about though. I'm worried about his mental well being. Since he was informed of his relations to Major Carter he's shown signs of distrust towards everyone and I fear that he will develop a form of Memory distrust syndrome instead of starting to remember."

"Memory distrust Dr.?"

By now Hammond's hands started wringing each other in an almost nervous fashion and Janet had to sigh. The worry emanating from the older man was held back but there. Sam's face was ashen while Daniel kept looking back and forth, pushing his glasses up on his nose in a nervous manner and Teal'c simply stood with a raised brow. Sighing once more Frasier nodded and flipped to another page in O'Neill's rather thick medical file.

"Memory distrust means what it says. He will possibly remember but then distrust what he remembers which could lead to paranoia. That's what we have to be worried about."

"So what can we do for Jack? He's barely talking to us now. How can we possibly assure him that everything is the truth?"

Daniel leaned forward in his chair, shooting Sam a sympathizing look and leaned on the table with his arms folded, worry etched across his features.

"I'm not even sure if releasing him from the infirmary is a good idea Daniel and when I prescribed sessions with Mackenzie he looked as if he wanted to throttle me before declining. On the other hand he has to see that things are true so maybe releasing him home with Major Carter is a good step. In the end I think Sam should decide. Not just because you are his proxy..."

Janet turned to Sam who looked up from her cup of coffee, her teeth worrying her bottom lip.

"...but because I believe that going home seeing the truth might be the best course of action to avoid the memory distrust syndrome."

"Major Carter if you decide to go for it I'll give you leave until this is resolved."

All eyes turned on her and Sam felt a little caged. She was unsure of the action to take. She had barely gotten to talk to Jack since he woke, barely had time to explain to him what or who was waiting at their home for his return. It had been two days now since Jack had woken, two days on which she had to listen to his claims of them never having been together besides in a military relationship of superior and subordinate. After sitting with Jack for a day, swearing on everything holy to her that she was telling him the truth, she had gone home depressed to console two children who desperately wanted to see their father again and just couldn't understand what was taking him so long.

So Sam had sat with them and tried to explain what was wrong only receiving confused stares and her five year old proclaiming that Daddy sure couldn't have forgotten them since he promised to go to the ice rink with them once he got home again.

It broke her heart and made her unsure of how to progress with the situation.

Sam Carter liked things clean and straight. The contrary of this situation and this time she couldn't fix it by tweaking some machine or inventing a computer program from scratch. That's what scared her most. This time she couldn't magically solve it and make it better or put a band aid on a scratched knee and promise that the band aid with the blue elephant would heal it in no time. She was just as lost as everybody else.

" So tell me Dr. when will you deem me safe to be released? Kingdom come?"

The sneer in Jack's voice was clear as he fixed her with his best angry stare.

"Or don't you want o release me because the BS you're telling me would be revealed as false?"

Two days he had been trapped in the infirmary now, poked and prodded, tested into oblivion and still it seemed like he had been made a prisoner of the medical staff. He was sure they were hiding something. In his mind he had conjured up scenarios of an alien race trapping him, again, and experimenting on him for information. But before they got that he'd rather rot in this infirmary hell is angered mind had screamed.

"Actually we're going home today. I just had to get your stuff from your locker. I know how you hate going home in your BDU's."

Sam's voice rang out soothingly from the infirmary door.

"Home?"

His eyes had gotten a little bigger. He hadn't thought that they'd actually let him leave. Soon his face contorted back to the angry mask and he fixed Carter with a stare.

"Yes Jack, home."

By now Carters voice had taken a pissed off tinge that she tried to will away by trying to smile. What she did to her mouth looked painful.

"Right...another word for...."

"Home Jack! God damnit! Stop the paranoia act and get dressed please without interrogating me. I know you don't believe me or anyone. I know we're all talking bullshit and I know you won't say a word about your memory anymore. So could we please not engage in another shouting match and just call it a truce? I'm tired and worn out and I'm sorry to say this but I just don't want to hear it right now."

Carter looked it, Jack realized. She looked more than tired. The dark pools under her eyes deep, the white around her eyes having been exchanged for a red hue and her shoulders slumped deeper than he had ever seen.

Her little tirade had shut him up. She had never been so unrespectful to him before. Before Jack could think of a come back a lump of clothing was unceremoniously dropped in his lap and Carter had walked away from him, over to Dr. Frasier, rubbing her eyes and listening to the directions for his pills.

"I'm not changing!"

Slowly Sam turned to him and looked at him indifferently, shrugging.

"I don't care Jack."

She admitted defeat. Never before had Sam Carter admitted defeat.

'Well there's a first time for everything. Suck it up!'

With another shrug she took the medication Janet held out to her and took deep calming breaths. Janet whispered to her softly, laying a hand on the younger womans shoulder and squeezed softly.

"You should tell him."

"No. I want him to see for himself. Before he thinks we're conjuring more things up for him."

"Sam...don't. This could be contra productive."

"Telling him too Janet. Look I know this seems off from me but really I just want this day to end. I just want this all over and done with. I know I'm a terrible wife and I should be there for him step by step but right now I'd rather like to pack everything up and get the hell away before he loses it completely. And no, I'm not sure it's a good idea to stay at home with him. Maybe he just needs this goddamn space that he wants so much."

She rubbed her eyes tiredly and shoved the packages of pills into her purse while she held back her tears with resolve born from a military upbringing and sheer bullheadedness. She wouldn't let Jack see how much he was hurting her. She couldn't effort to seem weak before her children who would soon enough need her to help them through this too.

"Sam..."

Janet tried to soothe again, say reassuring words but was stopped by Sam's raised hand and then watched as the normally so strong and cheerful Major walked by Colonel O'Neill's bed, simply telling him to follow. Without further ado the two had left Janet's infirmary.

The trip home Jack and Sam spend in silence. Jack staring out of the window his mind jumbled. He hadn't believed that they'd release him. He hadn't believed that he was living with Carter. But they sure as hell were driving towards his neighborhood, in a car that he didn't remember ever buying. Since when would he need a family Car instead of his good old trusty truck. Nor was this car Carter's style, who liked old cars that she could tinker on in her free time. Everything seemed to be getting more and more confusing to him and he wasn't sure what to believe anymore.

Post traumatic amnesia.

'Been there, done that, bought the mug.'

Never like this before though. He usually had remembered nothing and then waited for it to come back. This time Jack was sure he remembered everything and people told him he forgot the basics. Such as being married to Carter. Her having taken over the scientific department so they could while still remaining in the military.

"Another reality..."

He must've said that one out loud since the next second he felt the car come to an abrupt halt in his, their, drive way and he felt her resigned stare directed at him.

"Amnesia Jack. Not another reality and if you wouldn't spend so much time on theorizing over scenarios maybe then you'd actually start to remember."

Leaving the car without further ado, Carter slammed the door and then grabbed her purse and his duffel from the back seat.

Jack got out seconds after her his hands raised at his side, retort on his lips as he realized she wouldn't be stopping to listen to his oncoming rant. Carter was already unlocking the door and then shoved it open forcefully, making it bang against the inside wall.

He actually flinched. Carter had never been pissed at him like that. Annoyed yes, but never insubordinate or banging doors.

"Look Carter..."

Following hot on her heels he went inside after her, closing the door and then stepping forward trying to grab her wrist. And maybe if he had succeeded in grabbing hold of it he wouldn't actually have fallen. His foot stepped onto something that slipped away from under it and he felt himself going airborne a curse flying from his lips as he tumbled down.

"JACK!"

"What the hell is a toy car doing in the middle of my living room Carter?!"

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My Christmas present to you guys! Hope you enjoyed and many thanks to the readers who reviewed!


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Reality (3/?)  
Author: **curse_of_avalon**  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, Sam, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c  
Spoilers: Children of the gods  
Word count:  
Summary: Jack wakes up in the infirmary and can't seem to remember.  
Author's notes: Critique appreciated!

Disclaimer: All characters, names etc. aren't mine but belong to the SciFi channel. Not making money with this, just spreading the cheer.

* * *

The throbbing in Jacks head re-emerged after his tumble in his foyer. He sat on his couch, feet resting on his (their?) coffee table while he waited for Carter to make her appearance with an icepack from the fridge. In his hand Jack held the red toy car that he had slipped on.

A child.

That he hadn't expected.

Faint steps alerted him to Sam's presence and as he finally looked up she stood before him, his pack in her hand and her teeth worrying her bottom lip as she watched him twirling the toy in his hand.

"I didn't know how to tell you."

He simply took the offered icepack and pressed it against the painful spot on the back of his head. Jack heard her sigh softly and looked up again. Carter looked more than worried. This couldn't be real. How could he have forgotten his wife and his child? How could this be real and not a big scam?

"Right out maybe?!"

"Come on Jack! It's not like you didn't have enough conspiracy theories against us already. Did you think I'd just add to that by saying: ' Oh by the way Jack, not only can't you remember we're married but we also have two toddlers at home that you won't be able to remember'. No thanks. Look you can be bitchy with me Jack but don't do this to Grace and Jake. They're too young to understand, they barely understood that you lost your memory. Just...act for them, thats all I'm asking."

Her pacing stopped as she finished her sentence, looking down at Jack pleadingly with eyes awash.

He couldn't find his voice to answer, his mind was still reeling around the fact that he had kids with Carter. Two children, Grace and Jake. It was impossible. It was forbidden. At least he thought he remembered it was.

"Jack please they'll be..."

Before Sam could finish her sentence the front door flung open once more and the clatter of tiny feet could be heard in the living room. Jack's head shot up to Sam, his eyes wide as panic settled in the pit of his stomach.

"Mommy, Mommy!"

"...home soon."

Sam's face lit up as she turned towards the entry way, bending down with wide open arms. Soon enough a blur of brown, bouncing locks came barreling into her arms and Carter returned the hug, lifting the toddler, which Jack assumed must be Grace, up and kissing the little girls cheek softly.

"Hey Gracie!"

Staring at the scene Jack could feel his heart clench almost painfully and he had to hold back a gasp as ocean blue eyes fixed on him over Sam's shoulder. Grace's eyes widened with recognition and childish glee and he felt a responding tug in the corners of his mouth.

However before Grace could utter a word, a delighted yell came from the living room's doorway and Jack's eyes flitted to where it came from. There stood a boy, about 5 years old, with golden hair and deep, wide chocolate eyes, grinning hugely and dropping his backpack of his little shoulders.

"Dad! You're home!"

Before he could respond to the boy's exclamation, he felt the little body of his son hitting his chest, arms slinging around his neck.

"I missed you so much!"

The little face turned against his neck, pressing it's soft planes against Jack's harder one's, hot tears spilling over rosy child cheeks. It made his gut's churn. The feeling of a small child in his arms, grabbing onto him for dear life.

Closing his eyes Jack couldn't do anything but return the hug, clinging just as desperately to his child, his son. Memories of another lifetime squeezing his heart in an iron fist while a deep feeling of happiness tried to settle on him at the same time.

Shuddering sobs broke from Jake and Jack could do nothing except rocking them back and forth on the couch and rubbing over his son's back soothingly.

"Shhh Jake. It's ok, I'm ok."

He turned his face, his own tears now wetting it, into the soft golden hair, inhaling the unique scent of a child deeply. The only time he looked up again was as he heard Carter grunt, struggling to hold Gracie, while the girl tried to get down, her little chubby arms reaching for him.

"Want Daddy!"

His hand landed on Sam's lower back, indicating with an outstretched arm to hand Grace over. Sam did so carefully and then watched the scene before her. Both of their children in their fathers arms, a desperate and pained look on Jacks face. She stood before him and stroked her kids heads softly, feeling relieved for a second as Jack seemed to have forgotten his conspiracy theories for the moment and sake of their children.

Her heart clenched as he opened his eyes and looked up at her, tears welling. Before too long his eyes closed once more, a slight shake of his head making her edge away from the couch. He needed to be alone with his kids for a moment and Sam understood instead of feeling pained at the rejection.

"I'll order something to eat tonight."

With that Sam left.

* * *

I know it's a short update but I have to leave it here for the moment. Sorry guys.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Reality (4/?)  
Author: **curse_of_avalon**  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, Sam, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c  
Spoilers: Children of the gods  
Word count: 1187  
Summary: Jack wakes up in the infirmary and can't seem to remember.  
Author's notes: Critique appreciated!

**Please be patient with me. I have my Uni finals this semester and I'm really swamped with work. I know it sucks when the updates take long but please understand.**

Disclaimer: All characters, names etc. belong to SciFi channel. Not making money with this, just spreading the cheer.

* * *

"Daddy?"

Jack jerked his head around to the voice of his son. He had been watching TV for hours now and it was well after midnight. He just didn't seem to get tired. Which may had to do with the fact that Carter and he had once more come to verbal blows over sleeping arrangements. She had offered him the bed, since the guest bedroom had been transformed into their office. He had declined and Sam had been just as bullheaded as him, telling him she'd sleep in Jake's room and the youngster would have to stay with Grace for the time being.

He couldn't even explain why he had been so boorish about it. Maybe it was the feeling of not belonging, not feeling at home anymore in his own house. As well as the realization that he suddenly had everything he had longed for in the years he could remember. Being able to be with Carter, having another chance at a family. But feeling as if he was living a strangers life all of a sudden.

"Hey Jake. Shouldn't you be in bed?"

The boy shrugged and shuffled over to the couch his father was occupying, rubbing his eyes with tiny fists and more than once pulling his pajama pants back up as they kept riding down.

"Couldn't sleep."

Jack sighed and gathered his boy in his arms, draping the afghan that had been resting on his lap over the tiny form and tugging Jake in securely.

"You and mommy fought."

It wasn't a question, Jake's face looking up at him with a mixture of anger, sadness and disappointment. Jack stroked over his back softly and then placed a soft kiss on the crown of the boys head.

"Sometimes parents argue. I'm sorry you witnessed it."

Silence stretched between them. Jake shuffled a bit under the blankets and readjusted his body against his fathers, snuggling deeper against the Colonels side. Then the azures of his son fixed him again with a stare, worrying his little bottom lip in a way that reminded him so much of Carter.

"You don't remember us, right?"

"Jake..."

Before he could explain Jake spoke once more.

"Mom told us. She said you hit your head and then you forgot."

He could only nod slowly, swallowing hard as he saw tears fill the tiny eyes.

"Can't you try harder to remember?"

"It doesn't work that way Jake. It takes time to remember."

"How long?"

The tiny voice grew desperate and Jack hugged the boy closer. How long was a good question.

"I don't know son."

He didn't know anything anymore. Everything he seemed to remember so clearly was apparently wrong. So close and still so far from what he expected to be the truth. Suddenly he wondered what was true anymore. Was he really just imagining his past? Or did Jack just doubt his memory because he had been offered with so much more? Family, love and Sam Carter.

With a sigh he switched off the TV and then grabbed Jake, pulling him against his chest securely. Right now he didn't have any clue to this being a wrong kind of reality. Maybe it was time to let go and embrace the thought of being wrong with his assumption of an ongoing conspiracy, give this a chance. He gave his inner pessimistic self a shove, quelling the voice that accused him of just wanting to play happy family rather than find the truth.

"Let's go get some sleep sport."

He slept, not just the napping he had done in the infirmary after they stopped giving him the strong stuff. No he slept, deeply and soundly, for the first time in some days.

It was after 10 when Jack finally woke, sunlight streaming through the curtains, warming the bed. Jake was gone from his side and he felt the loss. It had been nice to cuddle his youngster through the night, making him forget the pain and insecurities.

Grunting Jack rose from the bed, twisted sideways and pressed his bare feet into the plush carpet, wriggling his toes. His eyes shifted over his bedroom, perusing the changes he could see in it. They weren't big, but definitely existent.

Like the wedding picture on the nightstand. Carter in a white, strapless gown with lace trimmings, her long hair pulled up and some locks having been left loose and curled, framing her face softly. She was giving the camera her gigawatt smile while he was behind her, hugging her to his chest, his arms around her middle and grinning like a loon.

His eyes were caught by the simple, silver wedding bands on both of their fingers. The nagging voice was back in his head.

'How come you're not wearing the ring then? If this is true you should've been wearing it'

Jack's eyes bulged in realization.

"Good morning."

He hadn't heard Sam enter, deep in thought. Not saying anything he looked back at the picture.

"We married in June in '99."

He kept silent, wondering what the heck was going on.

"Jack?"

"I never had a wedding ring. Haven't seen it since I woke and you claimed to be married to me. How come?"

She was bristling, anger shining in her eyes and her posture rigid.

"My god Jack!"

With fast, determined strides she went to the nightstand and forcefully pulled the topmost drawer open, grabbing something and then shoving it against his chest.

"You never wear it on missions. You leave it here. We were scared that our enemies might be able to work out what it means when we're together on a mission wearing the same rings."

Sam's voice was laden with anger, her eyes cold and he flinched. Jack realized that this was the exact thing he would've done. It was the same he had done with Sara's and his wedding bands, even when she wasn't with him, he never took the ring on missions, scared that someone could hunt his family down if they knew he had one.

"I..."

Holding a hand up she stepped back.

"I don't wanna hear it Jack."

He stared at her again, seeing for the first time that her eyes were still puffy and red. She must've had one hell of a night. Jack hung his head, knowing that he had caused her this pain.

"I'm sorry."

It was whispered, but he knew she heard the moment he saw her shoulders drop. Sam sighed deeply and heavily sat down on the bed next to him, keeping a distance between them. They both stared straight ahead for a few seconds until Sam leaned forward, burying her face in her hands and sobbing quietly.

* * *

Thanks for all the reviews.

TBC

(OMG did ya notice the little cool button down there? *bounces* You can totally send me a review with that one!!!)


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Reality (5/?)  
Author: **curse_of_avalon**  
Rating: PG-13  
Characters: Jack, Sam, Janet, Daniel, Teal'c  
Spoilers: Children of the gods  
Word count: 1187  
Summary: Jack wakes up in the infirmary and can't seem to remember.  
Author's notes: Critique appreciated!

**Thanks for all the kind reviews!!!**

Disclaimer: All characters, names etc. belong to SciFi channel. Not making money with this, just spreading the cheer.

* * *

It had taken Jack over half an hour to calm Carter, rubbing her back softly and whispering, what he had hoped to be, soothing words to her. Somehow Sam had ended up on his lap, her arms around his neck, while she tried to calm herself down. She had been shocked about herself. Since when had she become so whiny and needy. But this situation was slowly tearing at her and her military defenses. Her usually calm bravado in desperate moments was gone. Jack's sickness, the kids and household finally growing over her head.

This morning had just been the final straw for Sam. She couldn't take Jack's behavior anymore. It would have been one thing to ask about their past, but he was downright questioning the truth of it. He made even her question if maybe he wasn't what he looked like.

Jack shivered softly as Sam's hot breath washed over his neck and shoulder. Her tears had slowly stopped falling, her breath calming. He gave her back another thorough rub and then leaned back a little to have a better look at her face,

"I'm really crap at dealing with this Sam. It's just...everything feels so out of place."

"I know Jack. I really try to understand how you must feel but you make it look like you simply refuse to ... I don't know, start realizing that this is true."

"I want to...so much Sam."

He hung his head, shaking it softly.

Slowly Sam untangled herself from Jack's body and stood before him. For a few seconds her soft hand stroked his cheek, making him look up at her.

"I'll go make you some coffee. Come down when you feel up to it."

With that she left him alone with his miserable thoughts. On the one hand he knew what he remembered clearly and it wasn't anything like this and on the other hand it could all be real and something on that planet had really messed him up. So far they were still waiting for Daniel to finish the translation of the ruins he had been inspecting, hoping he'd find an answer to Sam's and Jacks questions.

Slowly Jack stood and looked around once more. Until then he'd do whatever it took to not make Sam cry again. Squaring his shoulders he pulled the bedroom door open and made his way downstairs, the wedding band on his finger, determination squaring his shoulders.

SJSJSJSJSJSJSJSJS

The coffee mug was warming her cold fingers, seeping through to the joints, almost stopping the shivers that racked her. Ever so slowly the feeling of being left alone seeped from her, hope blossoming in it's wake. Things could only get better, worse was not an option.

Carefully Sam sipped the hot brew, hoping it would fight the tiredness of the last couple of days. She was gazing outside, not really registering anything, lost in her own thoughts and so she didn't register Jack's soft steps as he entered the kitchen barefoot, nor when he came to stop behind her.

As he wound his arms around her from behind, hugging her middle to him, Sam gasped, clutching the cup tighter so she wouldn't drop it. His chin landed on her shoulder and he looked outside too.

"Jack?"

He didn't need to ask what Carter was asking because he understood. His mood changes seemed off kilter to himself too.

"If I can't remember then let's start over."

Jack whispered the words softly and gave in to his hearts desire, kissing the hollow between shoulder and neck softly.

He meant it. If this was his chance with Carter, his chance to fulfill the dreams he remembered having, then he wanted to finally grab that chance.

Sam's gasp made him stop the little nips and kisses. He stepped away from her and then turned Sam to face him. With sure hands he took the mug from her and placed it on the kitchen counter next to them.

Her eyes were unsure, her teeth worrying her bottom lip as she tried to understand what had changed on the last couple of minutes since she had left the bedroom.

"Start over?"

"Sam....I might not start remembering."

She hung her head and nodded softly. It had occurred to her. Memory loss could be permanent.

"So...?"

Blue Carter eyes fixed him once more and Jack shrugged a little helpless before stepping close to her once more. Hands tangled in soft blond tresses, breath's mingling with each other as he leaned in and softly claimed Sam's lips.

Under his hands he felt her resolve break and suddenly their bodies were pushed together by an invisible force. Mouths hungrily sliding over each other, hands fumbling and soft moans mixing.

Sam tasted nothing like Jack had ever been able to imagine. A heady mixture of something sweet, coffee and something else that Jack knew must be truly Carter. Slowly his tongue trace the seam of her lips, begging for entrance and with a groan she granted it.

Sam's hands were tugging at the salt and pepper strands on top of his head, while her body molded to his in a satisfying perfection. For a second thoughts on how something feeling this good should be wrong filled his head. But Jack shushed them and grabbed Sam's hips pulling her harder against him and hoping she's simply merge into him.

"Gawd Carter."

The words were uttered as soon as the couple had to break their intimate embrace for lack of oxygen. Sam shuddered, doe eyes wide, cheeks flushed and chest heaving with her breaths. Their foreheads rested together as both adults tried to calm the rampant feelings rushing through them, hands resting on each others body and calm for a second, neither being sure that the next touch wouldn't make them combust.

"Maybe we shouldn't Jack..."

"Nuh uh Car...Sam. No going back now. At least not for me."

Jack gave Sam a reassuring smirk and squeezed her hips softly, before letting his hands travel around her lithe body and letting them settle on her ass. Sam yelped as she felt herself being lifted upwards, eyes wide as she cam to sit on the Island counter and then moaned as his body pressed against her legs, opening them and then stepping in.

"Tell me no Sam."

Once more he leaned in, his stubbled cheeks rubbing against the sensitive skin of her collarbones as he placed an open mouthed kiss on the hollow of her throat, making a guttural moan rumble through her. For a second the thought registered how fast he had changed his behavior towards her, but as soon as his hands started traveling from her hip upwards and the longing settling in, she stopped it and let it go.

They hadn't been this close in some time and she had missed it. So with a shake of her head she also shook her confusion about him off, letting go of doubts and promising herself just to feel for as long as he was willing to give her this.

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_**Yeap...leaving it there guys! *evil laugh***_


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for making you guys wait so long but I had Uni exams and papers to finish. I had a bit of a break now and could finally finish this chapter. I'll try to update again sooner this time.

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It had been easy to fall into bed with him, at least for her. He hadn't really changed, still looked, sounded and smelled like her husband. Technically she knew he didn't remember anything from the last years but that was what probably had made her so desperately craving his touch.

The last couple of days, weeks even, had been torture for her. First she had almost lost her husband, then when he finally wakes up from his coma he can't remember a thing, claiming her and everyone else a liar. Life with him had been difficult and she was ashamed of herself and the way she treated the situation.

To top it all of she had landed in bed with him, against all better judgement. It was too early for him, was all she thought. He still didn't believe them, still thought it was a scam but as his lips had landed on her skin Sam had switched off the Alarm bells and just went with her needs and, god, did she need him to touch her.

Sam hadn't realized how much she had craved and missed Jack's touches. He'd always touched her somehow. A hand on her lower back when walking somewhere, a hand entwined with hers when outside of work, hugging her or giving her soft kisses from time to time. Not that he wasn't still his grouchy, silent self. He just made sure, with little gestures, that no matter how unable he was to talk to her about certain things, or say certain things, he still cared.

Blushing she pulled the comforter tighter round her naked body and rolled out of bed, stealthily creeping out of the room and into the bathroom. Locking the door Sam let the blanket fall and exchanged it for her pajama, which still laid draped over the side of the tub like it had since the day she had left it. Days ago. When she came home each night, leaving his comatose form not because she wanted to, but because she had two toddlers at home and they needed her just as much.

Once back in clothing Samantha found herself not knowing what to do next. Go out, confront her husband and her mixed up feelings or run to her office and bury herself in work until it was time to get Jake and Grace from their respective Kindergarden groups and hope Jack would sleep until then?

She shook her head at her own foolishness, raked a shaky hand through her messy hair and took a deep breath before opening the door and walking back out into the bedroom. There was no time for regret he said to her earlier in bed and maybe he was right. Maybe they just had to live now. Take it day by day and see where they went from now on. Jack was right, he might not ever get his memory back and Sam was knew that waiting for the day that would finally happen might just take forever. She would not give him up. They swore and oath at the altar and she'd stick to it.

„ Where did you go?"

Jacks voice was raspy with sleep, his eyelids on half mast as he perused her.

„Sorry if I woke you, I just needed to freshen up."

Sitting back down on her side of the bed, Sam softly stroked her fingers through his messy salt'n'pepper hair.

„You had second thoughts?"

„No...yes...maybe. Just for a minute or two Jack. First all went slow and then all of a sudden so fast. I think I needed to regroup."

„You think too much Sam."

That elicited a soft smile from his wife and Jack smirked.

„I know. You always tell me."

„So....what's the verdict?"

„That you're right. You might not get your memories back. I don't want to lose more time Jack. When you came back from offworld I wasn't even sure you'd make it. The swelling in your brain wouldn't go down as planned and I...god I thought I'd never see you smile at me again, run around with the kids or simply kiss me and tell me you love me. I have you back alive now. I'm grateful for that. Everything else will be manageable somehow."

Softly Jack took Sam's hand which had been stroking his hair and cheek and kissed her fingertips and palm before pulling her more fully onto the bed and snuggling her to his chest.

„Where ever this may lead us, we'll go there together Sam. Nothing else matters but us sticking together in this."

She nodded and pressed her face against the solidness of his chest,inhaling his familiar scent.

„When do we have to get Jake and Grace from kindergarden?"

Stretching Sam looked over his shoulder to their alarm clock.

„Three hours. God I can't believe I spend all morning in bed with you. I should do the laundry among other things."

„Let's make a deal, stay one more hour here with me and we'll split the chores in half."

Jack waggled his brows, in what he had always thought was an adorable way, and rubbed the tip of his nose against her forehead.

„Jaaaa-aaack!"

„Have I ever told you, Sam, that your snort is very cute?"

To emphasize his point he blew a raspberry against Sam's cheek and then rolled them until he was on top, smiling down at her lovingly.

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„And then Angelina said that Jonah said that Mary thought I can't not climb the tree."

„Could not Honey."

„That's what I said. Anyways after Angelina said that Jonah had said that Mary thought I can't not climb it I climbed it. And then the branch breaked..."

„Broke sweetie."

„Yes, and then I fell flailing like this..."

„Jake please sit still while I'm trying to..."

Jake flinched again as Sam cleaned one of the smaller wounds on his elbow from the playground dirt. She knew by the middle of that cleaning session he'd be in tears and begging her to stop. Jake had been lucky that he hadn't broken any bones falling from the tree, lucky that he hadn't made it that far up. But when the Kindergarden had called, she had been out of her mind with worry, it had been so bad that Jack had to drive since her hands had been shaking like leaves. All the youngsters wounds where scratches and various bruises ranging from head to toe.

„Mommy....please stop, it hurts."

„I wouldn't have to do this if you hadn't climbed on that tree"

„But Mommy Angelina said that...."

„God Jake! I know that."

His baby blue eyes immediately flooded with big, fat tears at her harsh tone and his tiny hands pushed at hers before jumping off the chair he had currently resided in and bolting from the kitchen as fast as he could with his slight limp.

„JAKE!"

Following him after gathering her wits, Sam ran into the living room, where her oldest was already in his fathers lap, face pressed against hard chest and sobbing heartbreakingly while her Husband tried to calm their son.

„Shhh Jake...mommy was just really scared today when the kindergarden told her that you've been hurt."

„But Daddy Mary said I can't climb a tree!"

„Yea but if Mary says you can't jump off a bridge will you jump off one?"

Sheepishly Jake shook his head before clutching his fathers shirt tighter and dissolving into another round of tears, this time tho more shame than hurt feelings. Hiccups racked his little frame and Jack softly rubbed his tiny back to calm the youngster.

Sam tiredly rubbed a hand over her face, the shaking having finally subsided. Turning on her heels she went back into the kitchen and gathered what she needed to clean the rest of her sons wounds, then returned and sat down on the couch next to her two boys.

Through the rest of the cleaning Jake didn't dare to utter another complaint and Sam felt ashamed of loosing her temper with him like that. She never had felt so on edge like the latest week and felt complained that she had taken it out on her child.

After finishing the cleaning, and putting the sterile wipes in a plastic bag next to the couch, Sam motioned for Jack to hand her son over and he obliged, kissing her forehead before leaving the living room, saying he would get Gracie from Kindergarden now.

„I'm sorry for being harsh Jake. I was just really scared and maybe a little angry that you had taken such a risk."

An ,I'm sorry too' was mumbled against her neck before the days events caught up to her oldest and he fell limp in her arms. His face softened, the frown gone, angelic features returning as both let the days events fade in their memory. With that Sam realized that almost everything had gone back to it's crazy old self.


	7. Chapter 7

Just a short interrim chapter that I need to bring some things on the way. Hope you like!

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" The Colonel trusts it now?"

" For the moment."

" You are unsure for how long then?"

" He is naturally distrustful. The moment will come that the answers provided won't be

enough."

" Then what course of action do you suggest?"

He sighed and looked down at the bleeping machines, his brows furrowing.

" We need him. He is our existence."

" If he finds out...."

" Make sure he won't!"

Glares were send in his direction and he sighed inwardly. He didn't watch as they left him once again, his eyes glued to the screens watching the scene's unfolding on them.

They had waited so long for someone to come. Anyone to fill their lives once more. Create them and breathe live into their forms. Now that they had it, after decades of being dormant, he wasn't sure that it was right anymore.

This being loved, hurt, hated and lusted and every chance had now been taken from him, for he would never be free again. Not as long as he was needed for them to live.

Movement on the screen made him stare down again, drinking in the scene with a deep rooted need. The movements of the people in the picture making his heartrate excelerate and the blood pump through his veins furiously. Live flowed freely through his being and he was filled with a deep sense of calm.

He lived.

He lived but only because they had him. The Colonel, imprisoned, feeding their lives, needs, lusts.

He understood the fear of being erased once again, laying dormant and waiting. He was scared too. But the more he watched, the more he saw and understood this being, the more he felt pained for what he did to him.

The colonel, Jack, had given him life and here he was, taking his in return.

The fingertips of his new form traced over the screen, stroking over the lines. His head cocked to the side as he watched a father embrace a child he had never had, smile as his little girl kissed his cheek and saw lust lightening up the mans eyes as he watched a wife that he had never claimed.

Turning his head to the mirror in his 'office' he stroked a hand down a young mans cheek, ruffled short brownish hair and blinked blue eyes. He pushed the glasses up his nose again and sighed.

So many cycles.

So many gone.

So many lives created.

But this was different. This new life was not based on what had really happened in the specimens life. No this new existence was based on the deepest wishes, hopes and fears of oen being.

Suddenly it was almost too painful to live it.


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